


One Night in Gotham

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Accidental Death, F/M, Funeral, Joker and Harley in a loving relationship, Murder, Oral Sex, Robbery, Rough Sex, crazies in love, mad love, murderous clowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:45:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8496007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker is bored so Harley gives him a task.





	1. When Joker is Bored

Harley sat cross-legged on the floor. She wore one of her favorite corsets and a tutu in red and black. Her hair fell loose and silky around her shoulders. Her headphones were in her ears and her pink Ipod rested at her side. She swayed while she listened to Pharrell Williams “Happy” where she sat on the floor of their bedroom hidden deep in the belly of one of Joker's many hideouts. There were knives, teddy bears, semi-automatic weapons and other knick knacks on shelves throughout the room. The walls were decorated with old style circus posters that Harley had acquired and plastered against the walls. Joker had helped her string the rows and rows of Christmas lights that danced across the ceiling making the inside of the room resemble a circle tent. 

Joker was bent over the papers at his desk. He wore only a pair of his striped slacks, the suspenders hanging at his sides. He was barefoot and bare-chested as he scribbled away, making notes or drawing diagrams, she wasn't sure which, but she could tell by how furiously he was working that things were not going well at the moment. 

She was busily sewing patches on the leggings of her costume while she kept an eye on him. The knees of her outfit had been torn in their last fight with Batsy. She was also working on one of Joker's coats which Joker had ripped the elbows out of and a cop had shot a hole through one of the sleeves before Mistah J had killed the guy. 

Harley blew bubbles with her chewing gum while she watched Joker out of the corner of her eye while she worked. When he was in a mood like this, Joker was dangerous to everyone but her and Bob. 

Joker muttered to himself, snarling. He squeezed the pencil in his hand so hard that the pencil snapped. With a mumbled curse he threw the remains of the pencil across the room. 

He was working himself into a really grumpy state. 

After watching him snarling and ripping up paper into confetti, Harley decided, for the lives of any of their gang members who might accidentally cross her Joker's path, that she should take the matter into her own hands and: Calm. Him. Down. 

Harley stood up, tugging out her ear buds and wrapped her arms around him from behind, laying her head on his shoulder. “Puddin...I know something that might help you relax.” 

She kissed his ear. “Wanna rev up your Harley?” She giggled softly giving him that grin that always made his blood burn for her. 

Joker chuckled, stood up and turned to tug her into the circle of his arms. 

“Maybe you're right pumpkin...a distraction...just might get the brain juices flowing.” 

With that and a giggle, he grabbed her around the waist, lifted her off her feet, and threw her over his shoulder. He crossed the small room and tossed her down onto the bed. Harley squealed and then laughed as Joker dropped on top of her. He started to nibble at her neck, his teeth lightly and deliciously nipped along her throat until he stopped just under her ear. 

Harley wiggled, giggling as Joker's mouth made its sensual way back down her neck and along her collar before he dropped his mouth down to the top of the corset she was currently wore. His elegant and nimble fingers started to work the laces of the corset loose, moving swiftly down her torso until the garment sprang open. 

“Ah, there we go! Jackpot!” He giggled excitedly as he pulled the corset back, freeing her breasts. Harley gasped at the sudden feel of her breasts freed from their confinement, then let out a soft, sensual moan when his hands squeezed and massaged her breasts. His hands were nice, calloused, but his fingers...Oh what he could do with his fingers! 

Joker leaned down with a smile on lips, lips that followed along the curve of her breasts, one of his favorite features on his Harley he thought idly. 

He wrapped his hands around the sides of her breasts and squeezed them together before he leaned down to let his tongue do some exploring. He ran the flat surface of his tongue along both nipples, drawing a pleased groan from her. 

Harley groaned and her body arched into his touch. She felt the vibration of his laugh against her skin when he pressed lips and mouth between her squished breasts. His tongue traced the curve of one breast just before his teeth gazed over the sensitive nipple, which caused Harley to moan louder as her hands stroked through his thick, green hair. 

“Hmmm....puddin! That feels wonderful,” she purred. 

As Joker giggled, the vibration of his laugh ran over her flesh tickling her, and made her wiggle. He brushed his teeth over her hard nipple very gently, just enough to tease. 

The sensation made her groin tighten and heat pooled between her thighs. She ached for him, from the building sensations of his touch, to release her. 

He spoke tenderly. “You're still wearing too many clothes Harley sweets...” 

She pushed away from him. “Yes puddin...but so are you.” 

Joker laughed. “Ah, my ever observant Harlequin!” 

He pushed himself off the bed so he could watch as Harley got to her knees on the mattress. She wiggled herself out of the tutu before she slipped off her panties giving Joker a coy grin. 

“You're turn puddin...” 

Joker chuckled while he reached down to undo his slacks. Harley dropped back onto the bed, bouncing a little before she pushed herself up on her elbows. She held herself up so she could watch him. Catching her tongue between her teeth she smiled. “Slower...” she murmured with one lifted brow. 

Joker was just about to push everything down his hips when he stopped and stared at her. 

“What?” 

She giggled, her voice a purr. “Slower...” 

Joker quirked his eyebrow at her, but he did as she requested, slowly sliding his slacks down his long white legs until he stood before her in his boxers, red and green striped with little hearts all over them. 

She giggled with delight motioning with her hand, her forefinger out. “Turn around!” 

Joker sighed, but did as she asked. He put his hands up over his head and did a ballerina spin just before he wiggled his hips slowly back and forth, grinning like a Cheshire cat. 

Harley squealed. “OooO, You look so hot in those!! I knew they would look great on you!” 

Joker chuckled loving the way she squealed and wiggled on the bed, but really enough was enough. “Harls....” 

She smiled. “Okay, okay, take them off!” 

Joker turned his back to her while he slid his hands into the sides of the boxers, gradually shoving them down. Harley groaned with happy want. Oh, she loved him so much! 

She loved his body so much too. Seeing him naked made her so....she couldn't think of a word except hungry. Oh, yes—she was hungry for her puddin! He had a nice, tight ass which made her want to pinch and bite him, but she stayed put on the bed. 

“Turn around...please,” she begged. 

He grinned as he turned around slowly. 

Harley hissed in a breath, her eyes glued to his erection. Oh he is blessed and so am I! She thought. 

Joker gave her a mischievous grin as he reached down to the floor and came back up with his suspenders in his hand, his predatory look told Harley she was in for the best sort of trouble! 

Harley giggled and started to scoot away from him, but he grabbed her ankle and pulled her down toward him. 

“Oh no you don't, you're not going anywhere my little minx.” 

Joker crawled onto the bed then on top of her as she squealed and tried to wiggle away. Joker grabbed one of her wrists and pulled her arm back over her head. He wrapped the suspenders expertly around her wrist then he grabbed her other wrist, ignoring her happy struggles as he used the suspenders to tie her to the bed's old headboard. He grinned wickedly before he moved to sit lightly on her stomach and admire his handiwork. 

“There, you little minx! Now you can't get away.” Joker waggled his eyebrows at her. 

Harley squealed again, laughing, and pretended to struggle as Joker pushed himself off the bed. He stood there with a huge grin on his face as he admired her. “I could just leave you there, I suppose.” 

“PUDDIN!! Don't you dare!!” Harley pouted and he burst out laughing. 

“Nah!!” He laughed and jumped onto the bed which caused the whole thing to bounce making her squeal and laugh again. 

“You look too, too delicious, my pumpkin. Just laying there waiting to be eaten up.” 

He giggled while he leaned over to grab one of her legs and playfully bite the inside of her knee before he languidly licked down from her knee to trace the flow of her muscles, dancing along her inner thigh. 

Harley shivered. “oOooOO puddin!” 

He nibbled at the delicate skin of her inner thigh, his ears tuned for the catches in her breath. He bit down and sucked hard when he reached the softest portion of his inner thigh, determined to leave a mark. Harley gasped at the feel of his teeth. She groaned and closed her eyes, her hips arched, her body aching. She could feel his hot breath flow down her leg, but when he bit down on her inner thigh, the mix of pleasure and pain had her body writhing with need. Her breath became shorter, soft pants of want. He was so much closer, she could feel the change in the air as he moved nearer still. He made his way down to her sex slowly. 

Joker licked each mark he left, branding her as his...his beloved. He enjoyed marking her. Not necessarily for anyone see, but he would know they were there and he enjoyed knowing that under whatever she was wearing she bore his mark. 

When he finished his exploration of her thigh he switched to her other leg, finding that tender place at the joint of her thigh and hip where he bit down hard. Harley's eyes rolled as she winced with the pain. It hurt, but at the same time felt so good. 

“Oh puddin!!!” She writhed under him wanting him to touch more of her, to stroke her...oh, she just wanted him to fuck her! 

She tugged uselessly against the suspenders holding her to the bed in her desire for him. 

He grinned, his eyes on her, watching her struggle. He leaned down to lick her sex. He ran the flat of this tongue slowly from bottom to top taking his time to spread her inner lips. 

Harley shuddered. She jerked her arms against the suspenders that held her to the bed. She looked down to see Joker was watching her, the wide devilish grin on his face. 

He gingerly licked her again...she moaned, arching her back. 

She groaned. “I want you!! Oh GOD, I want you!” 

Joker chuckled. He loved to hear her beg for him. 

He shifted his position to run his tongue along her hip bone, a slow wet line...from the top of her hip down to her sex without touching her clitoris again. 

He did the same movement on the other side. Harley groaned, almost weeping. She wanted to feel his tongue on her again, but he was being mean! 

“Puddin!” She pouted writhing about on the bed. 

She felt him giggle against her stomach as he pulled at her flesh with his teeth, then sucked again until he left a bruise on her stomach. Joker worked his way up her body. He left random bruises here and there as he went, alternating between sucking and sensual licks. His hands explored to find her tickle spots and when he did, he tickled her without mercy! 

Harley burst out laughing when Joker dragged his fingers up her sides finding that random ticklish spot not quite under her arm. 

“PUDDIN!! I want you so bad! Stop tickling!” she squealed. 

She kicked her legs, but since she was tied to the bed, she couldn't get away. 

Joker snickered. “Who's the best comedian in all of Gotham?” 

Harley laughed. “You are!!” 

He tickled her. “Say it again.” 

Harley squealed with laughter. “You are puddin!” 

He smiled brightly. “Alright my dear, you get a reward for answering correctly!” 

He chuckled just before he straddled her chest, his gaze hot, lustful. He smiled down at her, running his tongue over his teeth just before he shifted position, raising himself up closer to her face so that his erection hovered near her lips. Harley gave him a coy grin, slowly running her tongue along her upper lip as she looked up at him. 

Joker giggled. “What do you say cupcake?” 

Harley grinned. “Oh please, Daddy.” 

He laughed holding his shaft close to her mouth, brushing the head against her lips. Harley's tongue licked at him as he brushed her lips with his erection. He gingerly slid himself into her open, eagerly waiting mouth. His eyes rolled closed when her warm, wet mouth wrapped around him. He growled. “Mmm...Harley...” 

Harley hummed with pleasure. His erection was warm and satiny, she loved the feel of him against her tongue. He was careful not to shove himself down her throat...Joker might have seemed the type to force her to suck deeply, to deep-throat him when she was tied up, but he wasn't and he didn't. His hips thrust leisurely in erotic waves that allowed her to enjoy the feel of him in her mouth. She could suck at her own pace and she was very good at it. 

She moaned gazing up at him. His eyes were closed as his hips undulated gently, one of his hands rested against his stomach. He was arched back slightly, the light of the room danced off his white skin and the lean contours of his muscles which made Harley's body ache. Parts of her clinched with desire. She sucked, her tongue caressed his shaft until she felt him shudder and pull away. 

“You are so good....” he groaned. 

With a bright laugh, he leaned down and ran his tongue slowly over the hard nipple of one of her breasts. Harley groaned, arching her back into his attentions that sent heat burning through her. He brushed his teeth against her nipple again, causing her to gasp. 

“Oh puddin!” 

He lazily ran his long fingers across her other breast while he started to suck on the one closest to his lips. His fingertips stroked over her other nipple causing goosebumps to blossom across her skin. 

While he suckled her nipple, the agile fingers of his other hand skimmed over her skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps. He moved his hand down her body, dragging his nails over her flesh. Joker stopped when he came to the patch of hair between her legs. His fingers played with the curling hairs. He stroked and brushed, teasing...until he finally touched her, his long fingers sliding between her folds and stroked over her gently. 

Harley groaned as her hips arched up into his touch. 

It was already starting to drive her crazy not being able to touch him. She loved touching him!!! The sleek muscles under all his soft white skin, the way his erection felt, hot and velvety. She enjoyed exploring the map of scars on his body. She was the only one who ever got to see them, touch them...Harley moaned, not just from what Joker was doing to her, but also from thinking about his shaft in her mouth, inside her, pumping her...she groaned again. 

“Oh Puddin!! You are so mean!” 

Joker stopped nuzzling her breasts to gaze into her eyes, to watch her expression when his fingers slid into her hot wet core. 

“Mean am I?” He chuckled. 

Harley groaned, her hips arched, moving with the rhythm of his thrusts. He pulled his fingers out languidly, then thrust back into her with just such tenderness, drawing her out, listening to the way she groaned his name, her body rolled at his touch. 

“Mmm...yes baby....come for me....” 

Joker smiled licking his lips watching her. She was gorgeous writhing under his touch. He enjoyed making her feel good, but he also liked being in charge of her like this....it was a little bit of a power play...he liked when she completely surrendered to him like this, his Harley. 

He shifted his position, moving to place himself between her legs. Now he wanted a taste of his Harlequin. 

Harley pouted when he removed his fingers—she was so close! She raised her head to see what he was doing and saw where he had positioned himself. He waggled his eyes brows at her grinning that wide wicked smile of his. She nearly came right then just looking at the man. 

Her evil Joker whom she loved with every part of her being, she loved him just as he was, she never wanted him to be anything other than his insane self! 

Just the sight of him between her legs was enough to make her gasp with excitement. He saw her looking down at him and he gave her that crooked grin that only Harley got to see. 

She felt the goosebumps race along her skin at the sight of that grin. Joker chuckled running his tongue over his lips. “Mmm...good enough to eat.” He winked at her. 

He leaned in slowly and ran his tongue over her. He started at the bottom and worked his way up. He took his time so that she felt every inch of his tongue tasting her. 

“Oo GOD PUDDIN!!” She tugged against the suspenders that held her arms over her head. She was probably going to have burns on her wrists, but she didn't care! 

Harley cried out, her body arched into his mouth, that one lick enough to make her climax. 

Joker laughed pushing up on his knees and tossed her shapely legs over his shoulders so that half of her was raised off the bed, her arms kept the other half of her body tied to the headboard. 

Harley's eyes closed as she groaned. His tongue was like heaven, and he knew exactly how to use it! Joker wrapped an arm around her hips while his other hand was flat against her stomach sliding down to her breasts. His burning tongue delved inside her, flicking, swirling against her walls, tasting deeply from her until she was cross-eyed. 

“Ohhhhh!! PUDDIN!” 

He pulled back just a little and laughed. His laughter another pleasure she enjoyed. She never tired of hearing his laugh, especially right now! His laugh vibrated through her and over her like a delicious wave. 

Joker turned his attention to her clitoris. He changed his grip on her, holding her hips up by cradling her rear with her legs still resting on his shoulders, her arms pulled taunt. His tongue moved slowly, letting the tip explore her, taking in every detail and finding the places that made her scream the loudest. 

He was laughing, chuckling while he worked. OH hell! Harley thought. I love the sound of his laugh!! 

Joker chuckled happily as his Harley started to make the cutest little mewling sounds while his tongue ghosted over her clitoris giving her just the barest hint of his tongue against her. 

When he got her to come again, Joker pulled her hips up once more, and licked at her, still making his licks slow...using the whole of his tongue to taste every bit of her. 

Harley was shuddering when he finally dropped her hips back to the mattress. His lips were glistening when he grinned at her. Harley was panting, her eyes hooded when she gazed at him. He smiled, showed all his teeth when he spread her legs, his hands under her knees pressing her legs wide. He was still resting on his knees when his eyes roamed over her. 

“Mmmm...all revved up darling?” 

Harley giggled. “Oh yeah!” 

Joker laughed. “Just a little more...” 

He kept one hand under a knee while his other hand he wrapped around his erection. Joker licked his lips while he adjusted and he stroked her damp opening. Harley whimpered with want, feeling the head of his erection teasing her! Joker grabbed his bottom lip with his upper teeth, grinning, coating the head of his shaft with her fluids, listening to her whimpers. 

“Do you want me Harls?...Hmmm....pumpkin....tell me you want me....” Joker purred. 

Harley groaned. “I want you so bad!! Oh Mistah J! I want you bad!!” 

“Good girl....” Joker groaned. 

His blue eyes were heavy with lust for her....he controlled his breathing just before he drove himself into her. He arched his back, his hips pressed against her as he drove himself deep into her warm wetness. Harley wrapped her fingers around the suspenders holding her to the bed, screwing her eyes closed as intense pleasure washed over her. 

Her mouth was slightly open, her lips red and wet as she released a deep moan of pleasure that seemed to bubble up right from her core. 

She felt complete when Joker was buried inside her. 

He bit into his bottom lip when he started to move, long, deep thrusts, taking them slow though he wanted to ram her, wanted to fuck her hard, but not yet...he kept a steady, slow in and out motion that had Harley mewling. 

“Puddin!! Faster!!!” 

He chuckled. “Say the magic word pumpkin...” 

“Oh please, please, please!” Harley thrust her hips toward him wanting him hard and fast. 

Joker gritted his teeth against his orgasm, holding it in check. He shifted her legs back up to his shoulders before he dropped down to his hands over her which forced her legs forward, nearly bending her in half. 

Then he started to move, deep, hard thrusts just like she wanted. 

Harley cried out. “Yes, yes!!” 

Joker hissed. He bit into her throat, his own orgasm coming fast, a fine bead of perspiration rolled down the side of his face when he kissed her, continuing his deep, hard thrusts. Harley screamed out her orgasm which allowed Joker to let go. His own cry mixed with her. 

He growled. “Eeehhh....Harls!!” 

He thrust until he was spent, dropping her legs just before he collapsed on top of her. 

They were both quiet, the only sound in the room was their panting breaths as they fought to calm down. After a few minutes, Joker moved gingerly, pulling out of her and rolling onto his side. He let out a sigh before he reached up to untie her. 

Her arms dropped down and she instantly turned toward him. Joker wrapped an arm around her and tugged her close against him. Harley made a contented sound, a soft hum against his chest. Joker chuckled stroking his fingers through her hair. 

He pulled the blankets up and held her, continuing to gently stroke her hair. She was just about to fall asleep when Joker muttered. 

“That was fun, but I'm back to being bored.” 

Harley frowned and shifted herself up so she could look him in the eye stifling a yawn. 

“Okay,” she said slowly. “You haven't killed anyone in weeks. I want you to go out and kill at least three people and send me a picture of the third.” 

Joker stared down at her as what she said sank in, a slow grin formed across his face. 

“That sounds fun!!” 

Joker jumped out of their bed, gathering up his pants and yanking them on. He skipped to the closet pulling out a shirt and one of his many jackets. He loved his purple suits and he matched the suit with a bright red vest and maroon colored shirt. 

Harley walked naked over to him pulling out a polka-dot red and white tie she had gotten him for their anniversary and wrapped it around his neck. 

He kissed her on the nose. “You always know how to cheer me up poo.” 

Harley giggled while she tied his neck tie for him. “Don't forget the picture okay?” 

Joker laughed. “Never my dear.” 

He grabbed his knives and guns that were sitting on a table near the door, picked up his favorite flower, pinning it to his lapel, snagged his cane, his phone and with a salute to his girl, he danced out the door. 

Harley giggled watching him go.


	2. On the Town

Joker walked down the streets of Gotham whistling merrily, his cane making a nice tapping rhythm against the sidewalk. The evening was cool and the sidewalks glistening with the rain that had fallen earlier that evening. Joker grinned as he took a deep breath. He loved the smell of rain in the air! Joker had no idea where he was going or who he was going to kill, but just the thought that he was out and about with the whole evening ahead of him had him smiling. There were a million possibilities head of him which made him feel pretty happy. 

The only thing that would have been better was to have Harley with him, but she had said to send her a picture. Joker had almost gone back to get her, but decided maybe after the picture he would convince her to go for a fourth victim with him. It would be fun, the two of them out on the town. 

He grinned, his thoughts on his girl as he turned a corner. He saw a group of men standing around on the sidewalk ahead of them. They were clearly drunk, smoking, being very loud and obnoxious. The group of drunks were throwing beer cans at passing cars and cussing loudly. At the moment Joker had turned the corner and spied them, someone in one of the buildings leaned out a window and yelled at the group. 

“Hey shut it or I'm going to call the cops!” 

One of the men yelled back. “Do it, old man, I dare you!!” 

Joker stopped at the corner grinning and rocked back on his heels for a moment. “Oh, the first of the night!” 

Joker walked up to the men, casually swinging his cane and whistling, “London Bridge is Falling Down.” 

The men stopped to stare at him and one of them yelled. 

“Get a load of the clown. What's with all the make up grandpa?” 

Joker grinned, that grin that would make a wise person wet their pants, but only made these drunks laugh harder. Joker's voice was a purr. 

“Just going for a stroll on this beautiful evening.” 

One of the guys, getting a few high-fives from his friends, walked up to Joker. He was probably in his mid-twenties with a buzzed head, cocky and drunk. 

“How much you got on ya grandpa? There's a toll to walk on our street.” 

Joker smiled. “Oh is there now?” 

The younger man reached out to grab Joker by his lapels. 

Joker moved swiftly, his left hand reaching into the pocket of his coat, twisted his wrist elegantly, and drew out a switch blade which he snapped open gracefully in one fluid movement. In the next moment, Joker slashed the blade in front of him, easily slicing the young man's throat open so swiftly and with such a refined movement that the man didn't realize his throat had been sliced at first as he tightened his grip on the lapels of Joker's coat. 

With the head of his cane, which he gingerly put against the man's chest, Joker shoved the younger man back. The young man stumbled backwards as his friends asked in confusion. “Hey man! What's wrong?” 

They caught him just as blood fell from his neatly sliced throat like a crimson curtain. 

Joker giggled. “Anyone else?” 

The group dropped their friend, leaving him to die on the street as they took off running away from Joker. Joker laughed as he stepped over to the dying man in the street. 

Looking down at him, Joker sighed. 

“You really should pick your friends better.” 

He grinned crookedly and set off again, singing a song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, “Pure Imagination.” His voice was right on tune, but with a dark edge to it, pitching the song in a menacing tone as he let the words roll off his tongue and walked into the darkness occasionally letting out a giggle. 

* 

Joker was thinking to himself that victim number two wasn't going to show up. He had made his way down several streets, not finding anyone fun. A few people had seen him and run off, clearly knowing who he was or people were minding their own business—boring. 

He was starting to become a little annoyed when he walked past an apartment building parking lot, in which every single vehicle had a flyer under the windshield wiper. Joker stopped and lifted an eyebrow in question. He stepped near one the parked vehicles and reached out to snag one of the flyers, his eyes moving swiftly over it. What he saw brought a slight curl rolling across his lips. 

“I really hate politics. Everyone is so dishonest,” he murmured to himself. 

He glanced up and noticed a young man walking toward him, flyers in hand. The guy stopped short when the street light gave him a better view of Joker's face, but he quickly recovered and continued to stroll over. 

“Hello friend! I see you picked up one of our flyers! I'm representing Alan Brump, who is running for mayor of Gotham! He plans to clean up Gotham!” 

Joker leaned on his cane, dropping the flyer and letting the breeze carry the flyer off down the street. “Cleaning up Gotham? Do tell? And how does he plan on doing that?” 

The young man grinned. He was your typical clean-cut white male wearing a shirt that cost more than most regular people's dinner that night... 

“Well, first off, Brump wants to get rid of all the illegals taking our jobs here in Gotham. He wants to get rid of the criminally insane by sponsoring city paid lobotomies instead of therapy that clearly isn't working. He also wants to have Batman labeled a criminal and spend city funds on putting together an actual task force, military trained to deal with the Batman. Brump is hard on crime, sir,” the young man said with enthusiasm. 

Joker rubbed his chin with his free hand, the fingers moving slowly and drumming on his lower lip. 

“Really? Well, can't have that now can we?” Joker smiled, a grin that made the other man's blood run cold for a moment. 

“I'm sorry sir, ah, do you wish to tell me what points you disagree with? I can assure you that Brump is the answer to all of Gotham's problems!” The young man had some sense of self-preservation as he took a step backwards from Joker. 

Joker smiled taking a step forward to close the distance between them. “Oh let's see...well my first disagreement would be with the whole Batman stance. Take away Batman you take away half my fun! Lobotomies? Illegals? Who's illegal here?” Joker sighed. “Ah...I fear for the human species.” Joker smiled and giggled. 

The man frowned. “Well...ah...yes that is why Brump should be mayor! Once mayor, who knows how far he will go! Once he saves Gotham, next the whole country.” 

Joker frowned looking very disappointed and pulled out his revolver. Without another word, he simply shot the man in the face. 

“I really can't stand fanatics,” Joker muttered. 

The young man dropped, a neat bullet hole in his forehead. 

Joker started giggling. “Oh look at me doing a public service! Bats would be so proud of me!” 

Joker strolled down the street laughing and swinging his cane. 

* 

Harley was lying in bed, still naked, her phone next to her as she waited for her picture. She was reading a romance novel when her phone stared to chime. Halsey's “Strange Love” 

She dived across the bed to grab it. 

“Puddin!!!” 

She heard his wonderful laugh. “Harls! I'm sending you a picture!!!” 

Harley giggled. “Okay, I'm ready!” 

She sat up cross-legged as her phone dinged to let her know she had a picture. She opened it and burst out laughing. Joker was smiling one of his best, most handsome smiles while he had his arm around a guy who looked to be a business man of some sort...the suit looked nice and expensive. She brought her phone up close to her nose, but she couldn't see how puddin had killed the guy. 

Her phone chimed again and she answered. “How'd you do it?” 

Joker giggled. “I scared him to death!! 

Harley gasped. “Seriously? How did you do that?” 

“Well, I walked out in front of his car,” Joker explained. “I thought to just shoot him and take the car...it's a real beaut by the way, but when I walked over to his window and before he could roll it down, he had a heart attack!” 

Joker giggled like it was the best joke....which it was actually, as Harley started to laugh. 

Joker snickered wiping his eyes while he talked. “Isn't that a hoot!” 

She could hear the smile in her puddin's voice as he continued. 

“Say, since my friend left the keys in the car...wanna take him out on the town with me?” 

Harley squealed. “I'll be dressed in a jiffy!” 

* 

Joker called her when he pulled up front of their hide-out. “Come on kitten! Shake a leg!” 

“On my way puddin!” He heard the excitement in Harley's voice just before she hung up. 

* 

Harley ran down the stairs and out onto the street. She was dressed in one of her many nurse's outfit, the white skirt a little too short, showing off a pair of ruffled panties and the top a little too tight making her breasts look as if they were going to pop out at any moment. She had on white go-go boots with little heels and fishnet stockings. Her hair was pulled up into ponytail high on the back of her head with a little nurse's cap on her head. 

She whistled when she saw the car Joker was sitting in. He had his elbow leaning out the window with a large, inviting smile on his face. The car was a brand new purple Lamborghini. She pulled the passenger door open and slid into the white leather seat. Their friend was slumped behind them in the tight space behind the bucket seats. 

“Geez puddin, what's an old geezer like him doing with a car like this?” 

Joker snickered. “Not much right now, ya know...since he's dead and all.” 

They both laughed, but Joker reached into his jacket and pulled out the dead man's wallet and examined the driver's license. 

“Well, it says here my dear, that our dead friend here was a doctor.” 

Harley turned to look at the dead guy. “Really? Huh, who woulda figured?” 

“Oh lookie here!” Joker pulled out a business card to hand it to Harley. 

She read over it quickly. “He's a plastic surgeon!” 

Joker lifted a brow doing a very good Mr. Spock impression. “Hmmm...think I need a face peel pumpkin?” 

Harley snorted. “NO!! You are perfect the way you are Mistah J!” 

Joker grinned at her wrinkling his nose. “You sure? Peeling my face off might do wonders for my wrinkles.” 

Harley gagged. “Not funny Mistah J.” 

He laughed. “You're right. Sorry poo.” 

He leaned over to slide his hand behind her head and kissed her, grazing her lips with his teeth. Harley sighed happily as she returned his kiss. 

“So...” Joker smiled as he leaned back and put both hands on the wheel, grinning from ear to ear. “What should we take our friend to do? I think he needs a night on the town after the day he's had. Don't you sugar bear?” 

Harley giggled, glancing behind her at their dead friend in the back folded in a rather awkward position since the vehicle wasn't really designed for three passengers. 

“How about we take him to see the sights puddin?” 

Joker leaned back with a full belly laugh just as he hit the gas. “That is perfect!! Let's go!” 

* 

They drove through the streets of Gotham heading toward Robinson Park first. They pulled out their new friend's body, whom they had dubbed Jack Knave for tonight. Harley and Joker each threw one of Jack's arms over their shoulders and skipped to the entrance of the park where the large Alice in Wonderland statue sat inviting visitors into the park to explore the wonderland beyond. 

Joker chuckled. “We need to take a picture!! Harley!” 

“On it boss!!” Harley grinned as Joker threw Jack over his shoulder and propped him up against the Mad Hatter figure. Joker put his arm around Jack's shoulders and smiled. Harley had her cellphone out and took a picture. 

“OooOo!! Mistah J!! It came out perfect!” Harley laughed as Joker came over to look at the picture leaving Jack leaning against the statue. 

“Great Harls. Alright my dear—your turn!” Joker gave her a gentle push toward Jack who was starting to slide down. Harley set Jack up a little better just before she sat down in such a way that it looked as if she was sitting on Jack's lap. 

Joker laughed and yelled. “Don't be getting fresh with my girl Jack!” 

Harley giggled. “He is such a tease Mistah J!” 

Joker took the picture then came over the help Harley with pulling Jack down. 

“So where to next, my love?” 

As they struggled to get Jack back in the car Harley chewed her lip in contemplation. 

“Hmmm....wanna go take some pictures at the clock tower?” 

Joker held the door open for her as she slid into the vehicle. “You know, I think that is a splendid idea!” He jogged around to the other side and jumped in. “Ready?” 

Harley buckled up and pointed. “Onward!!” 

They both started to laugh. 

* 

On the drive to the clock tower, Joker was frowning in thought. Harley recognized when her puddin's wheels were turning with a new idea. He very slowly smiled. “Harls, do we still have that television camera equipment from the one heist a couple of months ago? 

“Yup, sure do puddin!” Harley smiled. 

Joker giggled drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “I have a wonderful idea! We should do a broadcast on one of those local channels. You know take it over and make our own kids show! We could tell the story of Jack Knave!” 

Harley squealed. “That is fantastic puddin!! We could also teach them lessons on how to make new friends! Killing them always helps first,” Harley said with mock seriousness. 

Joker giggled. “Oh I think we may have a idea!” 

* 

After they hit the clock tower, took a few pictures—each of them with Jack—Joker frowned. He leaned toward the back of the car with his arm draped on the back of his seat as he glanced toward Jack who continued to slumped to the side. Joker held his hand to his ear as if he were listening. Harley waited patiently her blue eyes wide with expectation. 

Joker's eyes slid sideways to glance at her, then he gave her a bright grin. “Our friend says he has never committed a crime before...” 

Harley giggled incredulously. “Really? How sad!” 

Joker nodded solemnly. “Yes. To enjoy the thrill of committing a crime, having Batman try to beat some sense into you. Really, what could be more fun?” 

Harley made a pouty face. “Well Mistah J? I really think we should help him out! I mean, he is our friend isn't he?” 

Joker nodded. “Yes my dear, he is our dear friend. Besides, we should help him achieve his dream of being a wanted criminal before he starts to smell!” 

Harley giggled. “So what should we do Mistah J?” 

To emphasize that she was ready for anything, Harley pulled out her gun. Joker laughed. He had no idea where she had kept it because her costume was pretty tiny, but he thought it might be fun later to play hide the gun and see if he could find it. 

“I think since this will be his first crime, we should start small,” Joker mused. “To the Gotham National Bank!!” He giggled and hit the gas while Harley squealed. 

Before they arrived at the bank, they stopped at the hideout for some additional Joker venom and explosives. At this hour of the night, the bank was closed, but there would still be night guards on duty. Not nearly as much fun as robbing the bank during the day, but Joker and Harley both agreed they didn't want to take the chance of Jack getting too ripe between now and then. 

Joker even brought a gun out for Jack which Harley and Joker duck-taped to Jack's hand.


	3. The Funeral

They arrived at the bank, cruising past the building and headed around the corner. The place was huge, more than a simple bank; it held some of the wealth of the richest families in Gotham, not just money, but jewels and even some art. 

The three of them got out of the vehicle; Joker and Harley walked with Jack hanging between them. Joker had his cane using it to balance the three of them as they dragged their friend Jack along. Harley pressed herself up against the wall and peered around the corner keeping one arm around Jack's waist. She narrowed her eyes, studying the front of the bank for a minute before she looked back at Joker. “There are two guards outside.” 

Joker giggled. “I just love these spur of the moment jobs! So much fun! You never know what's going to happen! Right Jack?” 

Jack's head flopped forward. “I knew you would agree.” Joker giggled. 

“Can you hold our friend here, Harls? I'll go take care of the boys in blue.” Joker leaned Jack against Harley as he strolled around the corner and over to the guards. He was swinging his cane as he did so whistling merrily. The guards glanced over at him, but neither of them registered who it was that was coming over to them until he was right up on them. 

“Good evening young fellows!” Joker gave them his wide, menacing grin. The moment that the Joker greeted them, they both pulled their weapons. “Stay right there clown!” the eldest yelled. 

Joker laughed. “It's so nice to see men in your position with a sense of humor.” He leaned forward slightly as he raised his hands in mock surrender, one hand still holding his cane and with the other pulled up the bright yellow flower on his lapel and squeezed. A fog of gas came out in a large billow of green that swiftly enveloped both men sending them into fits of laughter. Joker giggled using his cane to knock the legs out from under both men, kicking their weapons out of reach before he leaned on his cane to watch them both die with smiles on their faces. After a moment Joker pushed one with the tip of his cane smiling. “Ah, to die with a smile. You are both a couple of lucky bastards...though your families may disagree with me.” 

Joker shrugged, then whistled. 

Harley came around the corner struggling as she pulled Jack with her. “Puddin, you need to talk to Jack about losing some weight! He weighs a ton!” Joker laughed as he danced over to her to grab Jack's other arm. “I will have a talk with him, but I'm afraid he won't listen...or he will listen, but it will just dripple out his ears...sort of like his brains will do as he decomposes.” 

They both laughed while they waltzed up to the bank with their new best friend. Joker let go of Jack helping Harley to lean him against the wall. Harley positioned his taped up gun hand so it looked as if he was aiming it at the street. “Okay Jack, you watch our backs.” Harley grinned as she pulled out her phone to take a picture of him, before moving over to stand beside Joker as the looked at the doors to the bank. 

Joker sighed. “Remember that time I drove a bus through a bank?” 

Harley pouted. “I wasn't with you then puddin.” 

Joker turned to look at her. “So you weren't, were you?” He sighed. “You would have loved it peaches.” 

Harley giggled leaning against him. Joker put his arm around her shoulders. “Now how to blow this beauty up?” 

“Think we can get in and out before the cops or Batsy show up?” Harley looked up at him her blue eyes big. 

Joker grinned giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Does it really matter dear?” 

She shrugged. “Nope!” They both started to laugh again while Joker started to pull out explosives from his coat pockets. 

After less than two minutes they had the door rigged to blow. Harley narrowed her eyes. “What are we going to steal?” 

Joker frowned thinking. “Nah...let's not steal anything. Wanna just trash the place?” 

Harley giggled. “That will confuse them.” 

He snorted. “I know what to rob!! Let's blow up the change machine!” He started to giggle. 

Harley laughed along with him. “We could fill our pockets with quarters!” 

“Ready toots?” Joker bumped her with his hip and Harley hunkered down ready to run through the doors as soon as he blew them. “Let's go puddin!” 

Joker started laughing as he hit the switch to the shaped explosives and yanked her back with him just as the doors exploded, flying inward to take out several chairs and desks on their way through the bank's lobby. 

“WOOT!” Joker and Harley yelled together. 

“Jack, watch our backs!” Joker yelled as he grabbed Harley's hand and they skipped into the bank. The alarms were going off. Joker sighed. “That is just annoying.” 

Harley pulled her own pistol out from the small of her back where she had placed it and walked around finding the alarms and shooting them; she also shot any security cameras she found. “Okay Mistah J! All taken care of,” she said as she reloaded her revolver. 

Joker smiled. “One of the many reasons I love you pumpkin.” 

Harley squealed, running over to jump into his arms. Joker hugged her tightly giving her a spin before putting her on her feet in front of the change machine. 

“Hehe! I hope they forgot to empty it because this explosion will be that much more impressive with loose change flying everywhere!” 

Joker crouched down pulling out some more explosives from his coat pockets making Harley wonder again how many he was carrying with him. 

“Harls, why not bring Jack in so he can get a good view of the explosion.” 

“On it Mistah J!” Harley smiled happily having a blast. She looked around the blown in door frame to grab Jack who had gotten caught by the door explosion, one of his arms looked a bit worse for wear. 

“Come on Jack, let's go!” She grabbed his arm and started dragging him inside. 

She managed to get Jack inside and leaned him up against one of the desks that had been blown backwards when they blew in the doors. She propped him up making sure he had his gun hand in a good position before she skipped back over to Mistah J who was just finishing putting the explosive on the change machine. 

“Ready my dear?” Joker grinned. 

Harley nodded with enthusiasm. “Sure thing puddin!” 

They both scurried over to hide behind the bank tellers' counter, their backs against the walnut wood. Harley put her fingers in her ears as Joker pressed the button. 

The explosion was more impressive than the one he had used on the door. And with the coins bursting out of the machine, Harley squealed in delight as the sound of coins hitting everything filled the air. Joker laughed wrapping his arms around Harley pulling her against him while he continued to laugh. 

After a moment they both stood up to see the damage they had created. 

As Joker had hoped, the machine had not been emptied. There were coins EVERYWHERE, embedded in the walls, the desk, chairs and, on closer inspection, Jack. 

Joker pointed over at Jack who had not only been thrown across the bank lobby, but who now had hundreds of coins stuck throughout his body. “Jack, you greedy bastard! 

Already grabbed your share!” 

That was when they both heard the sirens. 

Joker started to snicker. “Come on pumpkin pie, grab some coins and let's go!” 

Giggling Harley grabbed a couple of handfuls and stuffed them down her bra before chasing after Joker who was already picking up Jack. Together they managed to get out, dragging Jack with them. They made it round the corner to the vehicle without being seen. They unceremoniously threw Jack in, folding him into the back. 

Harley yanked her hands back from Jack shaking them. “Eeww. He's leaking on the seat puddin!” 

Joker glanced at Jack with a forlorn sigh. 

“I think Jack may be coming to the end of his usefulness to our tiny gang Harley love.” 

Harley pouted. “That is so sad puddin. We should have a party to send him out.” 

Joker laughed. “Perfect pet! Let's go get some party supplies,” he said and added, “I know the perfect place to have a farewell party!!” 

* 

They drove into downtown Gotham looking until they found a twenty-four hour everything store called Wall-to-Wall. They decided to leave Jack in the car, let him rest while they gathered party supplies. 

* 

Joker came through the door with Harley, both of them carrying double pistols. 

“Hello boys and girls! Joker and Harley Quinn here!” 

They were met with mostly silence, though the only cashier on duty started crying. Joker sighed. “That is really a let down.” 

Harley nodded. “Yeah Mistah J.” 

Joker giggled. “Well let's go get our party supplies.” 

Grabbing a cart, after tying up the place's only employee and leaving him behind his register, they started to run through the store picking out decorations. Harley pushed Joker in the cart where he was laughing as he grabbed things off the shelves. They gathered streamers, balloons, garland, pointy party hats, and some wine, but it was when they swung their cart into the costume area that Joker started laughing hysterically. 

“Harls!! They have a Batman costume!!” 

Harley started giggling. “Am I thinking what you're thinking Mistah J?” 

“I bet you are Harley, my girl.” Joker giggled as Harley ran over and yanked the costume down and tossed it to Joker. 

* 

Half an hour later the three of them were on top of Wayne Tower. Getting up there had been an adventure all on its own. They had to drag their supplies and Jack along while trying not to draw too much attention, but with Harley's skills with flirting as a distraction and an employee security card Joker had acquired some time back (and a quick change into a tight skirt and open top blouse), they had finally arrived at the top of the building. While Joker worked on getting Jack into the costume, part of which required plucking some coins out of him, Harley worked on decorating the rooftop. 

After a few minutes of throwing streamers over everything, putting on a party hat, as well as one on Joker, she sat down to blow up balloons as Joker went about doing some last minute painting on Jack's face, making his lips red and finishing him off with a large smile before pulling up the Batman mask and snapping a party hat on top of his head. 

“Perfect! Whatcha think Harls?” He grinned at her as he presented Jack. 

“Oh he looks perfect puddin!” Harley giggled. Joker picked up the bottle of cheap wine taking out his switchblade. With a flick of his wrist he had the blade open and with another swift movement he had the bottle open. 

“To Jack, you were our friend only for one night. Do you know what the death rate around here is? One per person and Jack, you were that one person tonight.” Joker giggled. “Hehehehe! Anyway Jack, Some people say that falling to your death is the most painful way to die. I can reassure you the fall doesn't hurt. It would be the sudden stop at the end, but in your case it was me!!” He laughed again taking a swig from the bottle, then he gagged and made a face. 

“Harls, this is terrible wine!” But he giggled taking another drink from the bottle handing it to Harley. 

She smiled brightly. “To Jack. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.” 

She took a long drink from the bottle. 

Joker snorted. “Harls, Groucho Marx? I love you baby!” 

She grinned wrinkling her nose at him with a wink. 

“Ready Harls, let's send out friend here to his final rest.” 

With that Harley and Joker dragged Jack's body to the edge of the building. 

Joker giggled. “Fly my friend!” 

Together Harley and Joker flung the body off the roof, leaning over to watch him falling down like the dead weight he was... 

The splat at the end was spectacular! 

Harley squealed. “OH, look at the mess he made!!” 

Joker giggled. “He made quite an impression down there didn't he?” 

They both started laughing. Joker put his arm out to Harley. “Shall we, my dear, before Bats comes to ruin this solemn occasion?” 

“Sure thing puddin!” Harley giggled threading her arm through his and together they skipped to the door leading off the roof. 

As Joker held the door open for Harley, she turned with a smile. 

“So what do you want to do next weekend puddin?”


End file.
